Did general house cleaning, from the hygiene area to kitchen to living room to bedroom, checked! Decluttered closets, organized files, evaluated social media accounts? Also checked! Yup, all those needed Pre-Makeover tasks were checked, woohoo! Because this 29th of April 2022 is a Start Of Something New. My Start Of Something New! Another Start Of Something New 💖 I have always been tired. Not just physically, but also mentally, even emotionally. So trying again? I gotta admit that it was a little hard. But still, here I am, I made it! Yay for not giving up even if there were many times when I felt like doing it. I conquered the whispers of laziness, endless distractions, non-sense doubts, misunderstood anxiousness, and inevitable lethargy. Amazing job for continuing for the eternal vision and for the lifelong mission 💖 My alarm clock was set on a two-hour range just to be sure I woke up at my desired time frame. I was lucky, I heard the last ring, so I rose at eight o'clock on that fine Friday. Even when our neighbors were partying loudly the night before, in fairness, I had a good, good, good sleep. From there, I knew, this day would be a beautiful Start Of Something New. Because from that relaxing rest? Positive motions acted upon. The moment I opened my eyes, I really did smile genuinely. Was breathing as if I got no worries and all the pain went away. So I earnestly prayed to You-niverse for giving me another wonderful chance to live. All things lovely followed then! Gaining the momentum, I peeked through my parents' windows and greeted the world with a pleasant morning. Kakilig to see the blue-ming sky. While the pink parols photobombing it. Not complaining though, actually real happy with it! I also made my bed first thing in the morning. And to be honest, seeing my Kim Seokjin pillow and RJ stuffed toy beside me gave me an epiphany that I should truly begin fixing myself. Would do, of course. Building up more endorphins, I stretched and exercised. And cleaned and organized the house. I took a cold bath afterwards and dressed up in my favorite white dress. Then, the calming part of the morn, devoured a yummy cookie and enjoyed my daily dose of caffeine as I looked over my socials. But the main highlight of the grand rising: The Perfect Selfie Time! Love, love, love how I spent a heart-to-heart, head-to-head, spirit-to-spirit talk with myself. With my God The Father, God The Son, and God The Holy Spirit being present as my blessed guide to the right light. Such solemn moments for I regained focus and concentration, so I could practice my purpose fervently again. Such sacred moments for I rebuilt motivation and inspiration, so I could fall in love with life again. Such sincere moments for I reformed, cleansed, and rinsed, so I could dream big dreams again 💖 Rise and shine, indeed, from the quality sleep to the productive morning routine to the passionate me-to-Universe time! Just these three priorities and I would be oh-so-so-so-okay already. But if you are wondering what happened after the A.M.? I simply just surrounded myself with people and stuff who would brighten up my soul! For one, I stayed in touch with my Mama since she was still at work. I also binge-watched BTS, specifically Seokjin's, compilation videos to cheer me up some more! I did my hair too. I am not a makeup person, so bawi nalang sa hairstyle. At least, through these beach babe curls, I looked more presentable than normal. As a proud introvert, I am used to being alone, but that does not equate to me being lonely. I could carry on my life all by myself. My beloveds could attest to that. However, to spice things up, Dada accompanied me. From late lunchtime then on. And it paid off anyway. True that I am happier, as always, when we are together. Grateful for eating meals, drinking coffee, unlimited talking, random strolling, quick grocery-ing with him. Been a while since I took an outfit-of-the-day photo as well. And Dada, because of his help, I shot them OOTD pics again! Thus, remembrance images of me for this fruitful Fri! Yay! Since today was an unforgettable one, I ensured to document a see-through via snaps and clips, so I could immortalize the fleeting-but-never-to-forget memories beyond words 💖 Exactly nine thousand and seven hundred nine days since I was birthed into the planet Earth. Exactly seven months since I celebrated my best birthday ever. Exactly twenty-two weeks left since I would observe my existence once more. No doubt that the track of my life has been filled with so much love and joy and hope! However, natural ups and downs, those kinds of stuff happen along the way too. Since life seemed saturated these days, the past weeks, for some months already, I decided to start again this last Friday of April. I do not want to waste that visionary moment, that Bu-Tter-Ful start last September, so I, I picked myself up. I believe that it is never too late to try again. I still have enough time to prove that I could transform be-me-tifully in my two-six year. This was the reason why this twenty-ninth, my heart, mind, and soul have resurrected from ground zero to day one. I am at it again, the beginning of a journey composed with every shining and blossoming thing! Scheduled my comeback, and hear here, premiering to continue what I have started years, years, years ago. I acknowledge that it was not a perfect day. But it was a glad morning. An absolutely good Friday! Because deep down inside me, I know, I did the best of what I could do. And I have let go and let God. I am myself by means of loving myself, the world, and the Almightiest. I have been choosing change, progress, and thrive. Every day. Everyday. Right here. Right now. Always. All ways. For all of my days. For the rest of my life. Godly amen to the Start Of Something New every 00:00 forever and ever and forevermore and forevermost 💖
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New Year's Day is my most favorite holiday of all the holidays there are. This is why I always have must-do preparations before the New Year and big expectations whenever the first of January is coming. However, due to some avoidable and inevitable factors combined, happenings were a bit different than planned this year 💖
The first NYD attempt was, of course, the first day of the year. It was a wonderful day in general. Got the balance of alone moments and family time, eh. Therefore, I still believe that it was a great one. It's just that, I knew deep down inside me that the feels were on and off, so I decided to go with the flow that day. I said to my overwhelmed self that I could just reschedule it. And I did. The second one was during the feast of Epiphany. Definitely looking forward to the sixth of Jan because it was literally, figuratively, and supposedly a day that is full of love. But then, on that very Thursday, when I was ready to do everything and that, I needed to home quarantine. That was like the one that got away because high, glimmering sparks were present. But then again, maybe because it was not meant to be, so jinjja gwaenchana. Because the third? Just this Saturday, the twenty-second of the first month of each year, the exact three weeks after twenty-twenty-two was celebrated, was the best among the three tries! It was the rightest time to start my New Year with the You-niverse and every element therein! Some memories from that day, I was not able to calculate to happen. But still, you know, it was wayyy better compared to pushing fake vibes. It was sooo much better since I was not sick anymore. Super duper better, I can never ask for any other. I am truly grateful that I made it this time. Yuppy-yup-yup, the free trial days are over! My New Year 2022 is now here! 💖 Start Of Something New. Everyday. Right Here, Right Now. I have said these beautiful words here in my online diary. And most probably, would reiterate them in the next blog posts. Like duh, behind these motivational phrases compose my beloved vision and mission and purpose, eh. Hihi. So the reason why I began this long paragraph with these sweet nothings was that I had another Start Of Something New this 01222022! After some time, here I am again, yay! Also, these are the powerful thoughts I uttered the moment I woke up to that life-changing day. Because New Year's Day, as I mentioned, is very special to me, so it must have this Start-Of-Something-New kind of day. Always surreal whenever I spend this heavenly, holly day because from when I open my eyes until I go back to bed, for real only, every tiny thing seems to be that awesome awesome awesome! Like for this version, sooooo much love for the freshly-changed sheets because they gave me a quality, nine-point-five-hour sleep. Also for the peaceful and productive morning routine and the amazingly perfect selfie time! Of course, I was happy that I got to lunch with the parents. Plus, Papa even sent Dada and I to Bonifacio High Street, so we could practice photoshoot-ing again. Then, the 11:11 couple, us, strolled around to some alleys we had not discovered yet until that Sabado, visited our go-to coffee shop: Seattle's Best Coffee after a while to devour our early dinner, and shopped a few grocery needs at Metro Market! Market!. After the quick errands outside home, I ensured to have some Bebe snuggles, late late conversations with Sissy, and a simple family night as well. And lastly, but never the least, I must tell how pampering my night routine was. Because these me moments, they are totally significant on uplifting introverts like me, if you just know. Actually, all those blessed occurrences happened, and everything in between, I thank the Gods for them. I am really, really, really grateful about this oh-so-fine day! I might not be able to relive the happy memories ever again, but I took some captured photos. Even videos too! At least, right! Might be twenty-one days delayed as per the Gregorian calendar, but I consider this Sat as my realer New Year's Day 2022. Would never forget this! This lovely day, oozing with the Start Of Something New heart-, mind-, and soul-set, is already engraved in my true self forever! 💖
Jessica Mikaela's Start Of Something New is just getting started and I am so excited to fall in love with how glorious life is again, aAaHhhHh-ja!!!!!!! 💖 On that beautiful Wednesday morning of September twenty-nine, I set my alarm to six o'clock. However? I actually woke up twenty minutes earlier than expected! Feels like I had gone through this before too? Same same, but different, so carry on! 💖 While getting up at 6:00 would be my most preferred time, I did not mind rolling out by 5:40 because I had a quality seven-hour sleep already anyway. I went to bed early, around ten:thirty-something around that hour, as part of my preparation for this special day. As I grow older, times spent sleeping have become a must. Like, if I want to have a fully charged day, I should have enough sleeping hours. And indeed, this Miyerkules kicked off with a good start because of the good sleep! 💖 The moment I opened my eyes, I realized my lips were curving. My soul felt so alive. Then my heart was fluttering just because. For the first time in forever, I was smiling brightly as the morning sun and breathing freely like a gentle wind. I wanted Permission To Dance as the first song to hear on my natal day -- the reason why I made PTD as my cellphone alarm song. But hey, it is okay for Spring Day is one passionate song too! Yup, my sister's clock was too loud. It was I who rose and shone. Not a biggie though. What was important: I had a grand rising, or should I say, the grandest rising in my entire existence as of the record! 💖 Awake, but still lying on my freshly changed sheets, I intently peeked through my windows. I looked up to the white clouds and blue sky with the happiest smiles and grateful heartbeats. Then, I slowly closed my eyes and prayed to the Gods. I knew that time that it was too early to say that it was a wonderful day. I had not done anything yet and was just about to begin my morning routine. But through my vibes, I had already known that it was gonna be an amazing one. And girl, boy, pride social group, y'all out there, guess what? It did. Even better than I expected! Ah-wow, indeed! Happy birthday to me! 💖 After grounding my true self with the Universe, I then jumped out of the sack and started my day. There, I opened my phone and saw that the first one who greeted me was no other than the strong and pretty woman who gave birth to me. And to be honest, reading Mama's text turned the morning, the day much greater! More so, with my Sissy's effortful surprise! She secretly transformed my blank wall with Worldwide Handsome snaps of my first and ultimate bias Kim Seok-Jin while I was soundly asleep last night. Ate also prepared a bouquet of Jin's lovely photos and a hanging Seokjin pic right at my bedroom door. She placed a rose gold backdrop on the stairs as well. Where, when one passes through that decor, you would be redirected to the living room and kitchen and see that the siz set up some purple ribbons with Jin's lomo cards and black and yellow balloons -- for according to her, she wishes me to have a Butter-ful birthday, that was why those colors were displayed. To add to that, all this was with matching pancit on the table, oha! And when I thought it was all over, oh-my-gosh, Ate handed me a box full of RJ featuring one official Jin merchandise! Mama also ordered Papa to give me her presents. The queen mother prepared two sets of RJ pajamas for me. The first one has long sleeves with pants, while the second has short sleeves and shorts. I know myself that it was hard to get these because they are always sold out since the prints are almost the same as what Seokjin wears, so I super appreciate the gifts! She was literally a hundred kilometers away, but I sincerely felt that her presence was here with me! As per usual, my Ma made her little girl more herself on this good, good, good day. Just, awww, you know! Got the best girls ever! 💖 I wanted to maintain the high energy, so to multiply the endorphins running in my body, I did a few self-care stuff. Like? I ensured to do a quick stretch and five-minute exercise. Afterward, I re-cleaned the space where the mini-celebration would be held. Just some overly control freak slash OC thingz. Hehe. Cleansed my body by taking a relaxing bath then. Then, nourished my tummy with a piece of croissant and hot caramel coffee. Checked my e-mails, but did not stay long scrolling my social media, because I had other important things to do on my birthday morning 💖 I had not seen this coming, but a combination of New Year, Valentine's Day, and Christmas morning happened this twenty-ninth of Sept twenty-twenty-one, so I truly am grateful! New Year because this awesome hump day introduced another chance for me to start again. As in, as if a rebirth! I really knew that this could be the Start Of Something New when I spent my so-called Perfect Selfie Time. Because there, I regained my focus and concentration and rebuilt my motivation and inspiration. I am still reforming and continuously reconstructing my overall self through the vision and mission I have in my heart, mind, and soul. Holding on to these, whilst guided by the Heavens and by my homies, I can go back to being the girl who makes things happen. And who knows? Might surpass my goals and plans too! Reminiscing that beautiful moment of that Butter-ful day has felt, would feel, and still feels like NYD every time I remember it 💖 As for the Valentine's Day feels, because love was in the air! It is not new, to be honest. For I believe that I am love in human form and love has been me every day. We would be twinned for the rest of my life and I know it. However, I felt sooooo loved, more loved that day, on the day made just for me. Aside from my me time plans, of course, having family time was included on my natal day to-do list. It must be hard to celebrate on a weekday, plus the health situations the whole globe is facing, but even if Mama was at Pampanga due to work reasons, been connecting via e-mails, text messages, and calls anyway. Same with my Lola, we video chat. My favorite girls find ways, you know. And! This was day one of not giving negative vibes a space, so I have been practicing looking on the brighter side. The whole fambam is gonna be together on Saturday, this was why I peacefully enjoyed with the folks who could be with me at that present moment instead. Papa, Ate, Dada, and I had the complete samgyeopsal set, with side dishes and even japchae and miyeokguk for lunch and dinner. We also indulged in the purple, heart-shaped, minimalist cake baked by Tita Badet. She Ela Manila with a Koreana heart na talaga eh oh! Moreover, I was super touched because my childhood bestie, Baby and high school best friend, Rov posted me in their stories. Both of them are usually not like that, so I got extra kilig. Those who took their time to post our pictures, such as my nieces and other friends are worth shouting out as well! Peeps who sent warm greetings, even without photos are much, much, much acknowledged too, of course! As a person who is still getting over her trust issues, I am for quality-over-quantity kind of relationships. So then, I wanna take this section to express my heartfelt thanks to each of the sweet creatures who sincerely wished me well. You all made my day! I am beyond grateful because of these small words but kind thoughts. It is the littlest things that take up my heart if you just know 💖 Is it not obvious? It seemed like a Christmas morning because I received precious gifts on my life anniversary day! But hey, I am talking about both tangible and intangible ones, okay. Aside from the surprises from the fam and pieces of affection from friends and relatives, thinking about the activities done today, they actually served as presents for me too. As I viewed the best movie in my own preference, High School Musical, it reminded me of who I had been and who I am supposed to be. Binge-watching a few Reply 1988 episodes also reminded me about the values I set for myself, but at the same time, the principles I could learn from other people. Amazed how I have seen them before already, but still and again, these flicks open up new lights to me. Being refreshed by such life lessons, I sensed the Gods were indirectly communicating with me. What added the thrills for this day, the blessed skies spoiled me more as my Kim Seokjin oppa came home! Yes, on my very birthday! It was my first natal day that I am a BTS ARMY already, this was why I hoped he would post something on my day. Probabilities were very slim because the members are busy for sure, so I did not give too much energy to that. But aAaHhhhhhh, my Jinnie came home! Ela-ddin's wish came true! Unexpected things from the galaxies are definitely the most unforgettable ones. Really wow-ing the incidents that they make me speechless every time! And so, the takeaway here then: nothing is a coincidence and every little matter is a gift because it is the Universe's will that dominates all the time. Yup, the Almightiest connects to me, to us in unexpected ways. Thus, in levels no one can anticipate. And these occur in order to make lives, our selves in safer positions. Like today! Who would have thought that a good ol' film would awaken who I truly am? That a simple series would pierce through my soul, so I would aim to treat everyone I meet with kindness as much as I could? Or this person, whom I just knew months ago, would help me pull through my long-time anxiety, bring out a different kind of me, and impact a big shift in my life? Because the Force comes unknowingly! It could visit through the words we read, shows we watch, music we hear, places we go, people we meet, and the like, then, the realizations just hit! And suddenly, the person just becomes merry, invigorated, and saved! That is the beauty from the One above, a few of the many to mention gifts to humans. And I am glad, I received the Spirit today. Almost similar vibes when the baby Je was born. Really though! The Great Heavens always send reasons, reasons and signs that disguise in different forms. For me, my reasons are my vision, mission, purpose, morals, role models, my faves, my epiphanies, or whatever instrument that the You-niverse gets into me. I listen to those reasons from the Higher Ups, such as the reasons I pondered today. For these signs push me to my better, and you know it, even to my best self. And that, that is the loveliest gift I could ever give to myself, the Holy Trinity, and the world -- me being, feeling, and living my bestest because I am motivated, inspired, and moved by the wonders in my journey called life 💖 My birthday week from the previous year had gloomy feels. I am open about that, that I even wrote about it here in my blog. Because the family decided to advance my so-called bday party due to conflicting work schedules, not knowing that the Lord planned on turning my kindhearted grandfather into a guardian angel on that same day when we were all gathered at grannies' house. Following the COVID-19 protocols by the government, the funeral services just allowed three days for the wake, making Lolo's interment date fell on my natal day. This then make September twenty-ninth forever memorable to me because it exposed me to the extremes. While I represented the beginning of life, Lolo depicted the end on the other hand. Yes, I could be happy, but I could also cry my eyes out. It is just very Libra, very me. You know, the balance of everything. At the same time, all-out always or go home nothing. I really do not think I could ever forget that day and this date. And this justifies why I am so, so, so, and beyond thankful for this year's Ela Day fete 💖 Totally opposite from before, my twenty-sixth birthday celebration was bright! Still not that colorful like a rainbow, but at least, not black and gray anymore. I thought I would end up remembering the burial memories, but lots of unexpectedly good stuff happened that I might have a birthday hangover because of too much happiness, love, and light today! The power of the seven-hour sleep, family moments, alone time with the self and the Supers, add the sweet surprises and lively regards from everyone, also the realizations, closures, and lessons taught to me drew genuinely wide smiles on my face and would totally keep them in my best memories box. Deep down inside, this golden girl vibed to commemorate her birthday again because of these blessings. Cliche and cheesy as it may seem because I am old already. However, I really am happy that I had a happy birthday this time. While my life is not in its fittest shape right now and I am still facing a few stumbling blocks along my road, my worries disappeared for a while even if it was just one whole day anyway. Guess I am confirming it. That I am at peace now. Maybe I gained a bit of that inner serenity along the transition going here to this moment-of-truth day. Uttering these statements without a doubt because I have been breathing freely, not fake laughing, and moving mindlessly for real. I have completely let go of all the thingamajigs that weigh me down. And good news, or not, but yeah, I am being my crazy but cutie self again, yay! Rooting for this! Of course, gotta maintain this. And get the greatest! Besides, what follows after birth and death? Resurrection. And so, I am claiming it! Manifesting that this could hopefully be my comeback year! New Era, New Ela cutie!!!!! 💖 I do not know why too, but compared to the past, peers cheered the happiest birthday to me this year. And TBH, it came to life! It is not because I am running out of words. Like hello! Almost three thousand words already in this post. There are not just enough words or phrases to send my appreciation to these supportive people. Again, thank y'all! In addition, I said this many times already, but I am still gonna say it: thank You-niverse! Thank You for everything -- most especially for this uplifting, encouraging, beautiful, or should I say Butter-ful day! Just, hnnnggggg ~~~ Super duper mega happy, I swear! This was like the best birthday yet! Yup, even if Mama and Lola were just virtually present. Praying that the best year yet would be coming too! Because launching the d-day of my new era on my b-day, I was comfortable that I have started my year right with a stunning purpose. Still the same old me, yes. Same same vision and mission too. The inner child in me would never fade away and I love it that way. However, I am more ready to walk the adulting world already. I am ready for growth. I am ready for real changes, real progress, real thriving events. I admit that I was in denial formerly. But here I am now! With my little revamped heart+mind+soul set, additional mantras, and more intentional actions. Right, right, right! Saeng-il chukha-hamnida and chukahae to me because my Self-Love Project Version 7 began sparking during my significant day. Indeed, there are many whys to pop the champagne! Yahooo! Happy Jessica Mikaela Day! 💖 If you would ask this introvert-but-super-fun-loving girl named Jessica Mikaela on how she wants to spend her perfect day, most probably, it should be... On a fine weather kinda day to start off some good vibes. The sun should be rising, full of cotton-candy clouds, on a light blue sky. But! It should not be that hot. Sunny, but with a calming breeze. Yeah, yeah, that -- that would work the best! Then... She should have freshly changed bedsheets and soft pillowcases, so she would have a great, great, great sleep. Seven to nine hours is the ideal time range. However, it is the quality of rest that still matters most. And, she should be in her comfy pajamas. Such floral pjs to be specific. While how about when she wakes up already? Ela must feel grateful for having to live another day! For sure. So... Energized by the beauty zzzs, I think her first task for the day is to smile first. Knowing her enough, she would choose to smile while breathing and feeling the moment before anything else. Then, pray to the Gods when she is fully awake already. Followed by a cheerful good morning greeting to her beloved family. Because first things first: the firsts in the morning should be full of all kinds of love! As a neat freak, I suppose that Ela would fix her bed, organize her room, and keep the house in order as part of her morning habit. A quick stretch and a little exercise could also be present to produce additional endorphins for the day. To make the morn fresher too, definitely, she would head to the shower for a relaxing bath. Dress up. Check her hygiene list. Something like those, you know. And then? She would prepare her breakfast. Her usual A.M. food has oats and almonds with milk or yogurt, plus the magic of Bangtan Sonyeondan. I mean, Ela always eats her brekkie while listening to BTS songs. Also when reading her emails. And scrolling her social media network feeds. For boosters, on the other hand, vitamins should be drunk for her physique to be stronger and healthier as well. After this amazing morning routine, I am sure that Jessica Mikaela would do some me time via her so-called Perfect Selfie Time. Of course, said as the most beautiful day ever, so Ela has got to have this feel-good moment! This is for her focus and motivation, so she would be more concentrated on doing things, and thus, inspired to move and take actions. Soul cleansing is a must! Therefore, this is! Yup! In case that Ela needs to work, I hope she would finish all her tasks early for more free time slash self time. And that she would be stress-free. For Ela is passionate, hardworking, and open-minded, so I pray that she lands a job that makes her life fulfilled and proud of herself. Plus, with pleasing pay, of course! Because this girl -- this girl deserves the world. We all do. Wish we could. Manifesting! 💖 While having some night routine before dozing off is an automatic stuff already, this is the best day ever. So? Ela should secure to give herself some additional chill time. Let us say, she could bingewatch her ever-favorite High School Musical series. Or maybe a Run BTS episode. Or BTS In The Soop. Whichever! Ela could also write a journal. Or do a blog. Organize a photoshoot. Anything yay! Pasta? Pizza? Burger? Cupcake? Ice cream? Ela should not restrict herself. She could eat whatever she wants in correct moderation and treat this day as a holiday feast. For she deserves to stop for a while, look around, simply see the beauty of life, and just enjoy. Basta! She must relax and just let herself breathe. Ela must feel genuine joy. That is the essence of why this day is made anyway 💖 I sometimes try to spend this ideal day of mine -- quality sleep with a balanced schedule with the persons I love the most. However, I always find a misadventure in between. Or there would be a surprise. Or just something that I do not expect. You know, unplanned incidents that I saw coming. While having a perfect day is not impossible. However, I do not want that time to come to me yet too. Yes, all these elements that I said could be done if I would be willing to do so. But still, no one can predict what could really happen, and that is normal.
I wish I could live in my own la-la land where I am free of worries and I just spend time on things I want. Oh, how euphoric would that be, being in an unbelievably dreamlike place with unrough realities of life! If I had a chance to migrate to that utopian world, I would be truly grateful to go there. But then again, I am not. This is real life. That is correct! I daydream of my best day ever every now and then, but at the same time, I try to achieve that kind of day even when it is just once a week or once a month as well. I am aware that there could be little flaws on the side as those are inevitable. But I just want that day. Fine! Even if it is not the perfect and polished one, as long as it is a memorably good day. Just that one great day to keep my sanity intact. After all, loving the self, one day at a time, is the most implicit yet best life commandment above all else 💖 Once upon a time, in a land not so far away, there has lived a beautiful, smart, talented girl named Jessica Mikaela 💖 Guided by the Highest Force in the Universe and led by her caring family since her day one on Earth, she has then become a woman full of love and golden light. So yes! Everything seemed wonderful for her because she has had all that she needs -- genetically cute looks, strong mind, warm heart, hardworking attitude, god-given birth aptitudes. This lassie has truly been blessed that she also showed prowess when it comes to writing, drawing, dancing, singing, even playing guitar, and learning new instruments! She is an artsy one that as time passed by, she also got interested in taking and editing pictures and videos. Also in crafting, imagining-whatever-those-are-then-turning-them-to-actions, and basically, just creating things! Ela has been a one-woman team since she was young, not because she was trained to be, but because she wanted to become that too. People have always been stunned by these tapped and untapped potential of hers that many of them say that she is a bright child. And guess what, she really glows literally and figuratively! Her smile is infectious, her personality reflects joy, her words serve as encouragement for others, and more. But you know, the secret is, this sunshine girl happened to be like that as she has always been pushed to greatness by the loving folks surrounding her. All thanks to her family, friends, plus fictional characters that give her the strength to carry on, she has then become the blooming human she is today. And so, mixing and matching all these indicators, she passes the happy energy as well. Such a qtp2t, huh! 💖 This young woman has always been commented as perfect for having such beauty inside and out, plus the above-ave brains, her impressing curated Instagram feed, and the super amazing loved ones who forever got her back. People think she got them all awesome things in life. But to be honest? Nope! She is perfectly imperfect. And her life, it is just an ordinary and average one. This fairy tale looks flawless based on the words framed in this blog. However, these are just the highlights of Ela's story. So in this next chapter, Ela wants to be open about her downfalls. Because yes, she might have the innate talents given from above and by the fam, but deep inside, she also knows that she can still cultivate her gifts more. Ela thinks of herself as a jane of all trades, but master of none. She wishes to nurture her abilities if only she would have chances and enough time. Aside from this dilemma, Ela admits that she loses her drive once in a while when things do not go according to her plans. Those fourth grade, senior year high school, and eighth college semester breakdown incidents really traumatized her. Actually, even her job now. But as what they say: you lose some, but you also gain some. Experiencing such issues, still, she picks herself up whether she likes it or not. Having the "try and try until you succeed" motto since seven years old, Ela knows she just cannot stop. Turning pain into power, and so, she pushes herself more, overcomes these falls, always tries to improve and be better. Her resilience was just for standing from the fall at first. But now, it has become her coping mechanism to survive against all the uncertainties in life. Thus, to even stand up! And stand out! 💖 Just a little disclaimer that resilience has become Ela's second nature, but she is not romanticizing it. Indeed, she possesses a never-give-up-attitude even when life challenges are knocking her down. However! She does it with rest and recharge, with motivation and inspiration, with goal setting and action planning. Ela continues life, not just thinking that it is her only choice, but because she has a purpose to fulfill. Brought to this world as love, she shows up as that four-letter word. And so! I am sincerely grateful for the great, great, great You-niverse for sending a Jessica Mikaela to the dela Cruz and Mones clan twenty-five years ago. There are many things I want to reset, redo, and recover if given a chance. But I am glad that I was birthed to life and became part of this amazing family. I do need lots of people, that was what I realized. Just the right ones and I am okay already. Quality over quantity, whether for people or experience, keeps me at my peace. And, while I know I am a dreamer and a doer, both at the same time, I hope Ela takes her time to pace herself. This supergirl wants the bestest things in life, dreams a lot of visions in mind, plans overbearing tasks every day. I believe she can do all that she desires, especially when she puts her heart, mind, and soul into these. She even exceeds her goals with the help of her guardians! T-b-h. So, so, so, I hope Ela is proud of herself as much as how her peeps do. I hope she accepts herself wholly. Thus, better now. Gotta remember that whether the past hurts, the present is still unfolding. So self? Let go and let God. Your best self will come if you show the real you. Your realest is the bestest. Therefore, love yourself, okay? Okay! 💖 I know that I could never restart my life. However! I also know that I can write my own story, and that is what I have been doing. But you know... If I would have my own free world, like a utopian kind of living, maybe in a parallel world, or should I say, my Parall-Ela Universe, I would make sure to balance everything! From me to my family, friends, and others. I would set standards so high for the self -- owning mesmerizing beauty, sexy brains, and pure heart. I would make sure I combine Gabriella Montez' characteristics plus the pleasing personalities I own as one. I might be too good to be true achieving every little thing in my Start Of Something New vision and Breaking Free mission list and plans and dreams, but that would be the self that I am in my own universe. Haha, yay, hihi! I would love to have a symmetrical face with a small forehead, doll-sized eyeball, pointed nose, and reshaped gums. Plus to say the ideal forty-five kilograms of body weight with toned arms, thin legs, and flat tummy. Oh, I would love it more if I do not have hypersensitive allergies to insects if ever! Moreover, I would appreciate having quality sleep every day, like seven hours or more to ensure a healthier body and a happier state of mind. At the same time, ample time to spend with my favorite people, as if there are thirty-five hours per day on my self-proclaimed planet. I would not mind doing the same routines in chronological order as long as it makes me fulfilled daily. I would be grateful to have an extraordinary mundane, but well-balanced kind of life in my perfect world. In there, I hope to not feel tired because of my job, and just work because it makes me satisfied. I wish I could provide all that my loved ones need because I am rich as f too. Houses, cars, travels, clothes, shoes, bags, every BTS merch and all! Just name it and I would provide it! Yeah, something like that. Oh, how I wish. I hope one day. For real. Huhuhu. Asdfgfdsasdfdsd! I wanna be my own protagonist in this drama I am filming, in this song I am singing, in this novel I am sharing. For I believe that I am my main character in this oxymoronic life. While yes, life seems harder and harder and harder as days pass by, but I believe that happiness comes in moments. And as long as it is not yet a happy ending, then I would have to continue in order to reach the happily ever after. In the parallel world or Parall-Ela Universe as for me, and also here in the real one, I wanna do the right things. And so, I shall work on it. Of course, I will 💖
Start Of Something New has always been with me. I have been living this crystalizing vision even before I actually knew of it. Crazy, right! Who would have thought that this intro soundtrack from my all-time favorite movie would turn into my life theme song? And even the moniker for my forever vision! aAaHhhhh, talking about it still gives me flowers and butterflies as if it was the first time!!!!! 💖 Because that is right! Aside from the fact that Start Of Something New is my most favorite song of all the High School Musical trilogy releases, Start Of Something New is the title I decided for my lifetime vision. But also! I call some of my days as a Start Of Something New Day. This happens whenever I envision a new journey that is about to begin. Every time I spend such a day, I feel the best version of myself arising. As in, for real! 💖 Before, at whatever time I felt like going back to zero, I do the Start Of Something New Days. I usually carried such days like this on my birthdays, new year's days, and mental health days where I set my mind, heart, and soul to align with my life vision and life mission. I have had routinary plans on those special days where I make sure that I am smiling the moment I open my eyes, that I pray first before heading to my day, that I make my bed to correlate the change I hope to see in me, and the like. Following morning and night routines make me fulfilled. Even my me time has planned routines as well, to be honest, because those tasks spark happiness inside me. I am doing these kinds of routines because they have been good habits for me. They help in my focus and concentration, even motivates and inspires me, as if cleansing and rinsing every bit that I wanna let go, and so, I shift to the person I am and the woman I dream to be. Feels like that are what SOSN Days give me! Such uplifting feels like that every time, I swear. Legit good vibes. Effective energy boosters if I could describe. Plus, I even get to dress up and make up on days like this. Then I would take some pretty pictures as a reminder of who I am at that certain Start Of Something New era. Cutie, huh! And since SOSN Days are treasures for my in and out, there even came a time when I was so obsessed with doing it because I wanna take care of my overall health and it was the last resort I could hold. As in, not just once a week, but almost every other day, or every freaking day if possible. Been that in love with SOSNDs that I see it as the best me time, like Perfect Selfie Time as I call it too, where I just talk to my heart whilst surrendering every piece of a thing to the You-niverse. Start Of Something New, whether the vision or the days or both vision and days combined, are really my meditation that heals my mind and spirit. It just makes me feel so, so, sooo amazing! Of course, people just wanna surround the life with the good to even best stuff in life, so there -- here is one of the best things in life for me 💖 I love Start Of Something New. Is it not obvious? Haha! This year though, particularly the April first of twenty-twenty-one, I decided to rename the Start Of Something New Days as Re-Start Of Something New Days. The routines and tasks of the day are basically just the same. But you know, I have it already, the Start Of Something New. I believe in my mind, heart, and soul that the vision is already here with me. As the original song lyrics say, I know that something has changed. So instead of repeating from scratch over and over and something like that, I came to this. I am not invalidating the past Start Of Something New Days because they really helped me progress. It is just that, the Re-Start Of Something New adage is much more suitable now. I have the vision with me, g. But I always start and start and start until I get the best day. So! This is a nice reminder for me that it is okay to start as many times as I want whilst holding the eternal vision and mission. That every day, as I hold the Start Of Something New in my mind, heart, and spirit, I can start again. And start again tomorrow. And start again whenever I want. The Re-Starts serve the memoirs from the past, holding all that I learned while being hopeful for the new beginning that has come. The weight is much better with Re-SOSN Days as well as I do not need to follow a certain rule. This is a freer approach as my mindset is evolving through time. Imagine, I could spend a Re-SOSND, not just on a Sunday morning. But I can now do it whenever I want. Be it as a Monday, Wednesday, Friday. Or afternoon, night, dawn. I could do it, not just in my room as well. But I can also practice it in the bathroom, living room, even in the car or when walking. I thought I would only do this when there is a quiet atmosphere. But no, as long as the time feels right, even when there is music or people surrounding me, I can. As again, I always gotta, will, and can. Oh well yes, I actually can. I am the girl who makes things happen especially when I set my heart, mind, and soul into it, eh, duh 💖 It is so cute how the quote and quote Start Of Something New has become a big part of my puzzle called life. So grateful that I can see myself holding onto this vision, aspiration, mission for a long considerable time. Proud too that I was able to revive the feels and continue preserving the vibes of Start Of Something New Days as well. At the same time, I am so looking forward to how I would transform as the best girl in my own world with the help of all these. Asdfjkl! Kajja! Aja! Fight for life! 💖
Start Of Something New! 💖 Just four words, nineteen letters, but juxtaposed with priceless emotions and infinite fantasies coming through. I was just nine or ten when I first heard this beautiful song playing within my all-time favorite film of all. Yes, Start of Something New is a song, the very first song actually, in the phenomenal Disney movie High School Musical. Watching this chick flick series, thus, listening to this track, for almost half of my life already, this wonderfully-made rhythmic poem has totally grown in me too. Just as how the HSM trilogy taught the best life lessons to me, the lyrics, the melody, the mood of this introductory audio served as the soundtrack of my existence then 💖💖 I remember my queen mother saying that owning a pure heart and developing a bright mind matter the most. The pretty face? It is just a bonus. To be honest, I did not understand what she was saying as I was still a kid back then. But, when I viewed this outstanding motion picture, I then realized what she meant by that statement. And since then, I looked up to the ever-glowing Gabriella Montez. At first, I was just hooked on the HSM plot. However, as I rewatch the movies every Sunday on Channel 47 around the circa 2008-ish and on, I was getting inspired more and more and more by the female protagonist. Ideal as she may be, but I super duper love every little thing about her. And this is why I set Gab as my forever role model. I know I could never be her because she is the bestest girl in the whole wide fiction and non-fiction world. However! I really desire to be beautiful, kind, and smart too. From fourth grade, I prayed, and I am still praying for fourteen years and more that hopefully, I could become a girl who has the beauty, the brains, and the heart. I got such thoughts not only because my Mama said so or because Gabriella was the most liked personality before. I know in myself, deep down my heart and soul, that these three adjectives define who I am and who I am supposed to be, so, I gotta be those. I have been trying to fulfill these lovely goals, but I tell you, they are not that easy to achieve. In fairness to the self for embracing the Gabriella Montez thingz into my lifestyle as the days, weeks, months, and years went by, plus that are yet to come. It might have taken some time, but at least, the seeds planted have been blossoming still. When I saw that Gabby's charms are working on me already, as if we were becoming one, absorbing her amazing beauty-and-brains-with-a-heart character into me, I dug a little more deeper. I do not know why I did that too. But from there, I see myself living to the very beginning. Like I know, something has and will change. Same as how Gabriella's story progressed when she sang and danced to the Start of Something New, my life too, transformed and has reconstructed when I decided the Start Of Something New to be my lifetime vision! Yes, yes, yes, that is right! I created a vision for myself and I named it Start Of Something New!~ High School Musical is the first movie that has touched my overall being. Imagine, I was just ten, but the film really pierced through me and has given a great influence on my life. Wazzup, Gabriela Monez persona! Plus, as a human who loves firsts, I tend to fall to the Start of Something New. It is special, not just because it is the intro track of my most loved flick, but due to the connection I got with it. The words in the song represent my inner feelings and secret thoughts. Thus, my amazement to the world, to life. Moreover, the title is an adage itself. Start of Something New is the message already. How extensive the impact, right! So now, indeed, Start of Something New is not just a song for me. Start Of Something New, from the name in its own, is my start. It gives me such Happy New Year, Happy Birthday, just Happy Me feels! At the same time, Start Of Something New is a mix of my past lessons whilst envisioning the dreams, goals, aspirations that I am making happen in the present now. Like, it gives me hope, makes me remember why I began in the first place, reminds me that I should just keep on going and trying and walking, something like that. So, the Start Of Something New? Oh, my Start Of Something New! Start Of Something New has become a way of my life. And I love it! I am grateful. Combining all the possible factors since the day I was born up to the decisions I made for my own, here I go, this is why I have become the woman I am now. From my core foundation to the You-niverse's plans, including the family upbringing, natural abilities, intrinsic motivations, even external determinants, and environment circle, I consider all of these as big elements that take part in my life. But you know, really, it is the Start Of Something New that completed the puzzle of my individuality. This vision, little do I know, is the missing piece I have been waiting for. From the moment I held this thang, taking it in wholly into me, I have been figuring out my true self one day at a time. As in! 💖 Been open saying that I have been trying to change since I was a little girl. I wanted to look pretty, so I got interested in fashion, styling, and beauty. I wanted to be the clever one, so I studied hard and made sure I would always land in the star section. I wanted to be good, so I treat every person around me nicely. Of course, I am thankful for loving clothes, bags, shoes, and all things kikay. Taps for the self for doing her all to stand out at every school level. Good job for choosing the light side. So, me, trying to be Gabriella Montez? Yes, it worked! I have been following my goals since then. This simple inspiration, plus my support system, and of course, my hard work, disciplined actions, never-give-up attitude has definitely helped in making a better, to even the best me. The results have shown. While yes, I am happy about me achieving my goals. I am proud of myself for making the dream. However, because of this, I knew that I am more. Contented with the Ela that I am. That is for sure! Still hoping to continue what I have started. Wishing for life that I could be beautiful inside and out as what I always manifest. It's just that, I do not want to limit myself for I know deep here, I am also artsy, talented, funny, strong, and so on. Since I reached the goals, onto the next! Besides, there are still lots of areas I could improve. Thus, cultivate. That is right. I am keeping who I had been. But at the same time? I wanna continue evolving, wanna go growing, gotta try thriving. Before, all I want was me changing for the better. But thanks to that one amazing epipha-night when I realized I am meant for excellence. Since then, I have told myself I should reach the best version of myself by fulfilling my highest potential and living life to its fullest with the people I love. And there, there! From there, I formed this list of what makes me the most authentic me. Plus, ways on how I would turn to my greatest self. And voila! The birth of the Start Of Something New vision! Cutie because just in time when I was turning twenty, I officially set this vision, promise, plan, or whatever this is. It just began with the mantra: I should be, do, give the best in everything and each moment as much as possible. For I know, having such mindset, with movement done ofc, I could be my realest x bestest self. And aAahHhhhhh! The rest is history!~ Having to start this lifetime vision on my last semester-ish of college days, it was as if I was in a movie. Everything, from academics to family to boyfriend to friends and more, were doing so, so, sooooo superb! I can consider it as my golden days. Like the climax of my life. For realz. But then, every happiness must come to an end. And it happened when I stepped into the realer world. There, I saw that what happens to me is not solely because of my actions. That external factors also define my reality. That I cannot control the life at my hands at a hundred percent because many indicators are affecting me too. Real life has hurt me and it can be seen here throughout my blog. But no worries! Great thing, I was holding on to my Start Of Something New vision even before life fell apart. At least, I was made firm with myself already. I knew who I was and I could continue to be who I truly am. And until now, I am here, still breathing, fighting, living. I must say, Start Of Something New is the best thing that happened to my selfhood. This is my mindset. So, it also became my movement. This vision has been so empowering that even when I get bad to worst days, i-d-g-a-f. For I know, I have this magical thing within my soul. Plus, I know myself, my strengths, weaknesses, my truths, lies, my dreams, my all. Learning from the past experiences whilst dreaming for a happier and better future, I got to form this Start Of Something New vision. Journeying to my first-rate being, I gotta fight through the old self versus the present self in order to become the true person I am meant to be. While I really was working on this lassie even before this captivating idea, one has to take a few extra strides to see the much breathtaking sceneries at the top. So then, from one hopeful thought to another, I took action albeit how baby the steps were. And in just like that? The wishful thinking has turned into life! I took the oblivion, the madness, the pain. And because of those, I learned a lot! I have grown! I see changes! 💖 Approximately fifteen years when I was awakened of the person I ought to become. About ten years already when I became determined to pace my most be-you-tiful self. Almost five years ago when I challenged the golden girl to push her best limits in her everyday life as well. Indeed, this young lady has been expanding for a period of time now. Yay! Hihi. To be honest, I had not noticed that such amazing transformations already took place. Just now. Wow! And you know, right now, I still feel like I am just getting started. Grateful to that January 1, 2021 that had been a very wonderful day filled with new beginnings, overflowing love, genuine happiness, balanced priorities, et.al, I made an updated self-pact. As my family and I gathered this NY Eve, eating, laughing, bonding, I suddenly noticed my heart jumping. And there, I observed my lips smiling ear-to-ear again. All-natural! Just because! And so as the fam counted down to another good year, I closed my eyes and sincerely prayed. Because I felt it. I know in my galaxy, the vision has been glowing even before the clock stroke zero o'clock! And can you believe, it has been forty-five days since twenty-twenty-one was welcomed. I am proud to say, I have been doing my morning and night routines religiously. I see myself committed to spending me-ditation time every Sunday. Also dedicated to expressing the self with creative activities like blogging, video editing, and the like. Been taking care of myself physically, mentally, emotionally, and it feels so good! So I guess, I need to credit the Universe for the unexpected Start Of Something New that happened this New Year's Day 2021. I have envisioned manifesting for life beginning that time. Thankful for such a splendid start, I can feel the blossoming garden in my psyche once more! That is right! From the simple valuing of quality sleep to managing diet, exercising, and more, things then fell to a domino effect. Such a small thing, but grand effects in time! Because of the Start Of Something New vision, plus the Start Of Something New Day, I was able to formulate such routinary tasks. Thus, developed mindfulness in all that I do, so I could make my every day better. And what is nice here, Start Of Something New vision is not just for myself. This vision plan connects to my loved ones too!~ I would not want to say such finished words as there are so many more days to spend. But in fairness, so far, so good the previous ones. God knows I hate jinxes, but hopefully, hopefully, hopefullyyyyy, with fingers crossed, this is gonna be my year! I have been claiming 2021 as if I already got it! Combining the law of attraction and the law of action, of course! Despite the ongoing global health crisis, travel restrictions and limitations from here and there, and all those formidable risks around the thin air that killjoys so many lives and dreams for literally and figuratively? I am still manifesting! For I know, this is not yet my best self, not yet my best life. As I always say, there are still many things I wanna do and improve on. Let's get it, new Master's degree, dream job, passion collabs, and more! Not sure if I can get them this year, but for some reason, I can feel that the chance to life transformation is just right around the corner. Like, just waiting for us to meet halfway, something like that. And so! This is me, deeply and sincerely and humbly praying with all my heart, mind, and soul that this could be it -- the year where I am truly gonna do my Start Of Something New vision (and even adding a Breaking Free mission) for every day, right here, right now of my life and beyond! For the self, for the fam, for the love! I have told my life changes, life progresses, life transformations, or whatever this growing evolution is called. From how I was inspired to change to actually changing for the better and even to my best self yet. What a journey, right! I know that I will never be perfect, but having this Start Of Something New vision with me, I would for sure march forward, continue moving, carry on beating the records I set on my own like I usually do. Because really though! Start Of Something New is my lifetime vision with a Breaking Free mission. Meaning, I would see every morning, every day, every moment of right here and right now as a gift from the Universe. And since I am forever grateful, I would do my best to be happy, to be beautiful inside and out, to be the person I am supposed to be. This Start Of Something New is the cycle of me keeping going, planting seeds, blooming, trying again, never giving up! 💖
Love is my start, middle, and end that it has become my name, my virtue, my everything. Having been loved by the most powerful You-niverse, the most caring family, the most supportive boyfriend, and the most thoughtful friends, I shine the brightest. I may just be a typical sweetheart, but because of this glorious four-letter word that has always been with me, nurtured by the greatest support system, I had become a golden girl! Super thankful to the heavens for the birthright gifts, acquired talents, extraordinary characteristics I have been blessed with. Even the setbacks, the lessons, everything! These became my motivation to work hard, work smart. And this is why I am here like this now. Unstoppable. For the power of love combined with life lessons transpired as my turning points. Due to this, yahooooo! My for-life vision and eternal mission sprouted! And I am never been this fulfilled ever! Like ever! That is correct. My Start Of Something New vision is created because of love. I learned to love myself as I made a promise with her that I should always aim for my greatest shot every moment of the now. And because of this self-love, I learned to treat my imperfect but bea-me-tiful self nicely. Thus, made myself move more productively, mindfully, proactively. As I achieve my tasks, simple or grand they may be, result in true joys. And having such effects on me? I could share them to my loved ones too! Because I see Start Of Something New as a staircase that leads me to my best self. As I risk a step and move on to another pace, there is something that I gain, there is something that I take. The leap may look small if focused on where I am going. But every time I look back, I always appreciate myself for all the things I have done. And so, I gotta keep on concentrating on my dreams, on my plans, my aspirations that I want to achieve through the present moment I am living on. I would keep the inspiration from the people around me, that is for a hundred percent sure. But the motivation to keep on achieving the sun, moon, and the stars? It should come from me myself. Because that fact is? All these I want to see and happen start in me. It is me who needs to keep going and make things happen. I gotta help myself in order to grow. Insert hashtags regain, rebuilt, and reform! Ha! So yup! I chose to change because I love myself. I chose to be better because I love myself enough that I know I deserve more. I chose to do my best in everything because I love myself, my family, my friends, the world. By the simplest chance that I can make a change, I too might inspire another person. And that person could do the same to better changes as mine. And there, as you can see, that is the sense of this vision. Start Of Something New pays forward and goes around. It is limitless. I am.~ Writing this very loooooooooong blog post, I have come to know the self more. Congratulations to me because I can finally say I already let go. Thus, let God! All the pain, all the regrets, all the doubts. Even the happiness, the dreams, the great unknown. All for You already! Woohoo too for I know better of who I really am now! Been loving my whole self for a while now. Like, I accept her everything already! Bitter past, achievements, failures, weirdness, craziness, all of it. And excellent job for that, Jessica Mikaela! I know this cutie patootie has been trying her bestest to mix the old and the new to form the highest self. So? Props to that! And while I know I have looked for changes all my life, that I know I would always aim to progress and take the next step at all times, that I know I wanna thrive because I believe this awesome soul in me can do more and do greatly, I also know such goals would take some time. But at least! At least, I have now discovered that the missing piece I have been searching for? It is all on me. It lies within me. It is just here in my heart, my mind, my soul. Thanks to this, I know that I am enough just being me. That it is not bad to be just me. You know, the ordinary but authentic me. I would love to be a gamechanger. Super duper! Henlo, she a dreamer and a doer at the same time! And duh, the Start Of Something New vision and everything in between it! But I get it. I get it. I get it. I swear, I get it. Believe me, I get it. Haha! Just as how I do not know how to end this post, I know Start Of Something New would come a long way too. So I guess, I would just raise my glass. Here, here, here! Here is to the Start Of Something New that is made with so much love from the old, with the present, and for the future self. Here is to the Start Of Something New, Ela's og mindset filled with life purposes and pure intentions. Here is to Start Of Something New, the approved vision to life! For JMDCM's best of the best of the best of all worlds, I am holding onto all these words -- cheers! 💖💖💖💖💖 While writing this blog post, I realized that if I would tell how I ended up with this Start Of Something New vision, and thus the Breaking Free mission I am living on, by every detail + with all those feels and side thoughts, this would take really, really, really looooooong! I tried drafting, but it seemed like it was going way too personal already. I would just try to speak about the journey in the simplest way possible. I wanna release this life-changing plot without crossing the limits of oversharing. So... It all started when I was fourteen to fifteen. At first, I was just goaling for change. As in, just change. Change in general. Like change for the better, something like that. It was kinda vague how I could do that so-called change. But that is really the starting point of this vision I am holding on to now 💖 I adore myself for who I am. Grateful for the undeniable cuteness, natural wits, real low-keyness, and all those blessings the You-niverse poured into me. But with all the typos and posts I had read and saw on Tumblr, I got motivated to change even better. Together with the role models my Mama insisted me to look up to and my ideal person Gabriella Montez, I was more and more inspired to do big changes in my life. I reevaluated myself and my life then. Like where I was at that moment and where I want to be, and from there? Yes, even at that young age, I tried making a few baby steps! I was doing good. However, along this path to changing the self for the better, I caught feelings for someone. And that is correct, additional inspiracion again. I tried to be prettier by dressing up and this was when I knew my passion for fashion. I also proved that I could excel in other activities other than academics to show how versatile this girl. Been balancing all acts, the beauty-and-brains and strong-and-independent that I am and aim, since then then! But still, he rejected me. I was devastated and almost gave into avenging. But from this rollercoaster incident, I realized a number of things... 💖 Waiting might be an enigmatic mystery, but really though, the Universe's perfect timing definitely pays off! Exhibit A would be me accepting who I am and loving her better, so a few months after, this same person who rejected me bravely risked a confession of love to me, and this made us both excel as he was the high-school valedictorian in our school and I was part of the top 60 at the end of the acad year. Exhibit B would be the golden college days where all I wanted was to be a university scholar so I could help the family with the expenses, but it turned out that I was even the top three of the batch. While the Exhibit C? This January 2021! Which I would talk about in the next Life post, yay! And while it is also important to have motivations, inspirations, and the like? From there, I understood that this "change" can only happen with love—particularly with self-love, especially when combined with God's love, and of course, with humanly love. Yes, I do love myself and accept all that I am. But this is also why I have been trying and working to reach my highest potential whilst knowing every strength, every weakness, every beautiful and messy bit of me because that is who I must be! Contemplating from then and on, these things I have been doing all my life must be done for me. Not for impressing other people. But for me. Me and You and them loved ones! 💖
For me, the so-called existential crisis happens. It is real. As I -- I have experienced it. Whenever I was asked what I wanna be when I was a kid, I answered lots of occupations like a doctor, nurse, flight attendant, and such. I wanted to be a Psych major and a dentist as well. But! I did not have a specific dream in mind and I thought that was normal because, as the sayings go, I will just cross the bridge when I get there. Plus, I can be whoever I wanna be anyway. And besides, I would land to who, what, where I am supposed to be in time. I personally believe in those uplifting adages, but with too many choices around, of course, things could be a little messy. This was why I just went with the flow. No one forced me to take Communication, unlike other parents out there who tell their kids that you should pull this course or that degree. I did have my dream school, but I did not care even if I get in or fail. Our parents told me and my sis that studying well and finishing our studies are enough and their dreams would come true already. Back then, their dreams were the only dreams I opted for myself, so I felt sooo okay already knowing I made it! I did my all, especially in college, even if I was not sure if that was the fitting course and right school for me. I just really gone through schooling because that was what I am expected to do and I must hold to their dream, so I could get by. I thought graduating was just the goal. As in, no lies. Thought all is already well once I am done with that. But, little do I know, there are more to life after finishing the preparatory-elementary-secondary-tertiary education process! No one told me about living the dream I want for myself. So when I walked to the real world? Shookt! To be honest, I did not know that I have to work after college. Like, I must. As in, m-u-s-t. While my classmates were already applying for jobs, I stayed at home watching movies and series. I bonded with my family first since I had to prepare for my Reyna-Emperatriz character for the sagala. And my favorite Tita, together with her family, came home from Hawaii, so I was their tourist guide. Also tried traveling outside the fam circle, too. Yes, with friends and Dada's! Basta, basta! Basta ganun. I did not go to work right after graduation. I took my time to destress. And to think of things as suggested by our professor in Business English. Because those days, I was contemplating... Being dragged down at the last minute of the golden college days and fast-pacing to a new, unknown world out there, I got and still have questions in mind that are left unanswered until now. Like? Did I choose the correct course? Should I have fought for my slot in UP or UST? Would these quote-unquote achievements really bring me a quote-unquote success? What do I wanna be for real? I kept on asking things because I had no idea about the other dimension I was gonna enter. I did not know how and where to start because I have no guide. While I appreciate my parents not meddling with my life decisions, but I really felt so lost for years. Not sure if I was unlucky or what, but I really started from zero! I have no mentor, no connections, no certainty. I always got to go to job-seeking websites and wait for employers to email or text me knowing I would be offered low rates. Indefinites and unfairness were so around in the real world, especially for a fresh graduate like me. As an ordinary butterfly who is just waiting for metamorphosis, I am proud that I am already here. Actually? Proud I am still here! 💖 Yes, I am way way wayyy grateful I have my family and friends with me. But most days, to be honest, I was walking alone. Not sure if it is because of my history being independent on my own feet? Or because at times, I feel better doing my own decisions instead of relying upon other people's pieces of advice? Because by that, at least, I have no one to blame but myself. Yup. That happened before already. I still was not in the mood to apply for jobs after graduation. I was in a crisis with my existence. Like I do not care if I have no work yet. But then, Mama pushed me to get one. So I did. Even when that was not the title I am goaling on and not the salary I deserve, I accepted the work. Elders said that that is normal as I am a fresh grad. Gross working traditions in the Philippines, huh. But even if I love that company because of the people, I hated what I was doing because I know I can do better! Yes, I was excelling there. But maybe, a part of me hated that I should have not let myself be dictated. All my life, I was not. So why now? Because that is life, right. It should not be forced. Gotta let it unfold! I learned my lesson. So! When an opportunity knocked in, I grabbed it to escape my current situation. Thank God, at least, much enough pay for my living, the field that I want, plus good colleagues. Yay, right! It felt so good because no one dictated me to do that transfer! It was all my decision. The choice was in my control. It was a good stay there, but I was becoming stagnant. The management was also slow, so my promotion was, too. So! When another company, with the role I wanted, contacted me? I leaped again. Lucky me, I got in and there was nothing to ask for already! Everything seemed good to me. From the travel time to the management, colleagues, workload, pay. It's just that, sadly, the coy had to close due to insufficient funds. But yeah. Yeah! I know my game now. I decide for myself depending on the circumstances. Leave crappy jobs for better jobs. That job-hopping cycle might not be understood by everyone. But I am glad to where I am, where I have been, and where I will be. Realized it all gets better. So, I feel good hoping, despite not arriving at my final destination yet 💖 There were moments I do not know if I feel happy with me jinxing the supposed Latin Honors I should have gotten during my undergraduate degree. If I would go back five years before, I must have hated myself so, so, sooo much because I believed that this title was a kickstarter to my professional life. However, coming to this day already, I kinda see it as a blessing in disguise. Becauuuuuse, if I got this Magna Cum Laude award, I might be different from who I am now. I might not be this humble and inferior girl we all know, so I might not move smart and hard. I might not enroll at the University of the Philippines - Diliman to redeem myself because there is nothing to prove anyway. I might not be pushing my ass off because I feel successful already. Or? I might be veryyy much pressured to be successful since I graduated with high-ranking, flying colors. I imagine myself if I could accept the me right now, the job I am in right now, the things I am doing whilst getting that superb recognition. I think I would be disappointed in myself a million times more because loud and proud laude, but ganyan o ganito lang? At least, no hard to harder feelings now. I might be stressed, more stressed if things went the other way. Because I know myself, so I would probably be if ever that was the alternate result. I am most likely to succeed because I am the overall Top 3 of the batch. Pressure! But a nonsense pressure, actually. If I would go back to the perfect-girl phase, like my Gabriella-Montez season who got them all together, I could. Definitely! I really would! But that is kinda done. I am now in another book. I can bring that with me, but that is already in the past. Plans changed. Seasons changed. I wanna work that through, but I have to wait for the revolving phase in order for that to happen again. Right now, all I want are good food every day, a place to stay whatever the season is, my family being complete, me being happy with work, me continuing my blogging dreams. Just those and I would be sooo happy already. Why bother adding weight on insensible things just because you see others have a different kind of success than you? If titles and material things mean success to you, go. But for me, these are! More so, I am learning and unlearning the real meaning of success as the days go on, so let us do this, girl! 💖 Yes, I started at the bottom. But aAaHhhhh! Every experience would lead to where we are meant to be talaga. Such encounters from back then to the present has made me realize things. Thus, helped me understand what things I am aiming for. Yes, the existential crisis gets harder and harder, especially when there is no light to see. But if one listens to the mind and own heart, he/she must know. And there, we would know we are just right on track. Uh-huh, I did those and knew I am just on the right path. To be honest, I am not happy with my work now. Worst ever! Just getting through life because there is an ongoing pandemic, so I gotta fight through. But! I am proud of myself. Always been proud. And I just grasped it while journaling. Every time I go back to the old days, I see an amazing, lovely, beautiful girl who is filled with knowledge, wisdom, diligence, strength, and determination. I love her for that because it made me the person I am today. Reviewing not only my academic credentials but also my life history, I wanna tap myself and give her some claps. Who would have thought that this independent girl, guided and unguided, has been rising her way to the world! Yes, I questioned my existence since I dropped the Latin Honors. Then it continued in the real world. Plus, the master's degree I wanna take. Also my passion for blogging. Plus family. And external factors I am not in control of like this global health crisis and other people's minds. But you know? It is okay. I am still figuring out what I wanna be, but I have glimpses of who I want to be already 💖 While I am sincerely grateful for doing things, working life on my own... In all honesty, I wish I have better guidance from other people as well, of course. I super hope, still am, to have a mentor who could lead my way on the rightest path. I seem okay now, but almost five years since I graduated and I am still not that person I thought I would be. I feel frustrated. But it is a good frustration, I swear. I am not rushing. I am just executing. That is true! I thought that by twenty-five, I have a family already. Also a house, a car, my dream clothes and bags and shoes. And you know, just the stable life. Right now, I have no plans of running a business. Maybe, maybe in the future. Why not anyway! Yet for now, I just want to be that CEO of my life -- the chief executive offer who makes my own decisions, manages my overall actions, operates my true purpose. I hope to be that CEO, or rather a she-e-o because I am a woman, who loves herself and the Universe so much that no one can shake her anymore. I aim to be that she-e-o filled with motivation, inspiration, and drive. That someone who not just works her things smart, but does things with a heart. I may just have a start-up life until now. However? I believe that in His perfect time, I would also call my passion project a success. I wanna be that boss who acts like a leader and a follower, a hooman who respects other human beings, an advocate who thinks of other people as well. I still have lots of things to learn, but I will never give up. I may have a long way to go, but I will keep going! I will keep crawling, leaping, walking, running, swimming. I will keep moving forward no matter what! 💖 Notes To My Shee-E-O Self:
To blooming the bea-you-tiful person
and to transforming the best version of myself I pray to be... Aja! 💖 I do not know, too, but I have heard some people telling me that I am one perfect girl -- with the complete, happy family I proudly belong to, supportive friends surrounding me, the true love I found since high school, as well as the warrior-but-kind heart and overall cute looks according to them (haha!), plus the excellent academic standing recorded and all the other successes I have achieved. Well, everything mentioned is correct. But to be honest, I am the other ghUrL. Wanna believe that my life, and me as a person, have been flourishing. It has good, neutral, and bad memories, but I also thought that one of my life peaks happened during college -- all thanks to my kindergarten, grade school, and secondary educ training. I know in myself that I own ~this great thing~ with me ever since, just waiting to be unleashed. And so I did during the undergrad years! Hashtag Dean's Lister! I was happy and fulfilled that I maintained my overall Top 3 rank. Thus, became a consistent university scholar, so the fam's expenses were lighter. These little wins felt like at last, I did something that I would be proud of. Like not just the family proud, but I myself, too. However! Just when I thought my destiny was running smoothly, I got jinxed! While yes, I still graduated holding the Third Rank of Adamson University's Bachelor of Arts in Communication Batch 2016 and the Academic Merit Award. But the Magna Cum Laude standing? It got ripped off. During our time, the university has its rules and regulations that all grades of the laudes must not be lower than 2.5. I cannot believe how I pulled that in seven semesters, too, to be honest! So wow! But during the last and final sem, I received my one and only tres. Pampalubag loob that no one in our batch got the Latin Honors due to this prick's roulette grading system. But still, I, we worked so hard for those! Built for years! And to think it was just a minor subject, ugHhHh! I admit, my heart still flinches whenever this topic arises. Because even if my general weighted average is Magna-Cum-Laude worthy, still shattered Latin Honor dreams and I cannot do anything about it as it is already done. I know I failed completing merit cards in fourth grade and bounced back to the second pilot during my senior year, but... My Latin-Honors-turned-Academic-Merit-Award recognition is still my biggest heartbreak up to date. I know, I know, I know I sound like a spoiled brat while saying this because compared to the failures I had before, this is actually the best of all! But you know why it just pains me so much? Because I never goaled something in my life like this. I know inside me, I deserved that title! Though I still marched with flying colors because I still received the gold medal, I never wanted something so bad and so good at the same time for the self, eh. Even when I was on the high, IDK, but it was like I was so down, so down until underground, and even ground zero. I know I should not, but wala, that was really what I felt -- how I have felt. And sometimes, I still blame that kinda-failed milestone because lots of opportunities were wasted in just three snaps. It really hurts whenever I reminisce this bittersweet story, but maybe, hopefully maybe, everything does happen for a reason. Undoubtedly, heartbreaks happen to me from time to time. Yes, both mini and big heart attacks. They just do not show on the exterior, so it looks as if I am a pErFecT girL. But as said, I am not. I am human. I am an ordinary human being who has been healing from her battle scars for years already. And actually! One of the ways I thought about how I could redeem the self? To try my guts at the University of the Philippines - Diliman! UP was not my dream school when I was a teen, to be honest. Only until I saw its wondrous beauty and unfailing greatness when I immersed myself in the community via Dada. And since then, I have fallen in love with the unibersidad. Yasss, I was kinda in the community already even before I enrolled. To officially adopt me as an Iska, I passed some requirements and hoped I would be admitted to a Master's program. And oh, sweet mother of God, I did! Uuuuuu! But you know, in all honesty, I may not be reaching this higher education in the best university in the country if I got the Latin Honors in AdU. I know myself enough, so I know having that title would make me satisfyingly proud of myself already. I may not be where I am now if ever things did not go this way. Cos aAahHhh, seems like the Universe has other, bigger plans for me! Shookt that I got in here because I just really tried! Cannot believe this is even better than laude! Thanks, I guess, to that pain, I challenged myself and see where I am now -- in at the top-tier university in the PH, blessing the heart and the mind with honor and excellence! I thought I already reached the top of the mountain, so it was a dead-end already. But I think the summit is still far and that traverse before was just a subordinate peak. Or possibly, there might be a higher path to climb. And I think and I feel, I do not have just one mountain. I may even have a mountain range! Truly grateful I got lifted, but I also believe I could lift some more. So up! And up and up and up all the way! Who would have thought I could make Mama's dreams come true? Who would have thought I do not just deserve to be an Academic Merit Awardee in the curriculum vitae, but a Master's degree holder instead? Who would have thought I could beat my own record and surprise myself even more? Wahhhhh! Feels like living a dream! Well... I know I am still not done with my graduate program and it would be the worst to jinx things again, but! I just want to share the point that this perfect girl whom people thought or told is not true. I am very imperfect and I experienced lots of failures. I had lots of sad days, bad moments, insecurities, frustrations, even lots and lots and lots of breakdowns! I may look like I have it all together, but that does not mean what I carry are not heavy. I am perfectly imperfect and that is the reason I get up in the morning and beat myself. I thought failing would actually end my life, but it just opened me to know who I am, to what I deserve, you know. And goddd, writing such good shizz feels sooooo good! Manifesting these! Pretty You-niverse, please! Still a work in progress, but one day, I will be a masterpiece. Not perfect and I reiterate that. Super flawed pa nga eh. But I would be so proud to share my beautiful self with the whole world. In time. Insert fingers crossed here! And I may be taking my envisioned dreams one day at a time, but I would get there, too. Would make sure I will. I can, so therefore I would! It is and may be true that I am blessed with lots of amazing gifts from God and the Universe. I am sincerely grateful for all the love I have been receiving that I already become one! My whole imperf being would forever be thankful to be born this way, to live this way, to shine this way. Yay for the good starting line! But at the same time, yay for the wonderful run I am still taking! Yay for the ups and downs and in-betweens. Yay for the lessons learned, as well as the regrets and what-ifs that keep me going! Because seriously though... I still cheer for the weak moments and bad days of my life as these are when I believe I could be stronger, greater, fuller. I may still feel lost, hopeless, unanswered with the phases I have lived. However! I have a clear vision for myself! And that is what I am holding on -- that is what I am eyeing on, that is what I am pursuing on, that is what I am growing on. Life may, or nay, always shit the heaven out of me, but still... Rooting for the past, present, and hopefully the future better, and even the best and the best-est version of Jessica Mikaela! 💖
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THE BLOG-GIRLE L A M A N I L A Ela Mones, a Filipina girl,
is a passionate lifestyle blogger who loves to express her unforgettable life experiences and best moments through words, photos, and videos 💖
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